___________
Ulf
Hjorth-Moritzsen
This section is not as much about
sports as it is about Statistics. You will not find any
information about spoiled overpaid athletes here. No information
whatsoever about their marriage, their children, what car they are
driving, how many times a week they have sex, if they beat their
wife, if they were drunk last weekend and so on.
Instead
you will find some tiny statistics about Norwegian soccer as well
as the Summer and Winter Olympics. The reason this information has
been included is not because the Editor considers it important or
in any way valuable, but the fact that the information was already
prepared and therefore did not require much work to collect and
publish.
In
addition it gives the Editor an opportunity to grumble about the
Sports hysteria of to days society and the remarkable fact that so
many people still find sports interesting. People watching only a
tiny portion of all Sport on TV must be completely worn-out and in
a miserable condition. Think of all the pizzas and the beer they
have stuffed themselves with. No wonder most young people to day
are overweight and flabby.
A
long time has gone since athletes had a full time job beside their
sporting activity. To day all kind of sports require full time
professional sportsmen. The latest from the Olympic Committee is
that Bridge now shall
be included in the Olympic family! Yes, you heard right, the
card-game Bridge will be a sporting event soon! So far the Olympic
committee has not revealed whether it will be a summer or a winter
game, but it shall according to inside information we have access
to, be performed indoor. I am looking forward to watch it on TV.
Most sports will soon reach their limitation with regard
to what is possible for the athletes to achieve. The 100 meter can
not be run faster than 0.0 seconds. It is not likely that the
javelin will be thrown out of the stadium soon. The high-jumpers
have probably already reached their limitation. And the situation
is the same for a variety of other games. This fact of course
worries the majority of the fanatic sport fans. They are now
looking into the possibility of long and boring evenings and
weekends in front of the TV. There will be no new world records and no more listening
to hysterical sports commentators trying to outdo themselves in
stupidity. TV channels will go
bankrupt and millions of people will loose their jobs. This must
not happen as it will threaten the way of living for an endless
number of entertainment-sick TV-watchers. Something has to be done
done as soon as possible!
Ulfhm.com is proud to propose a solution to the
problem. With all the doping scandals the last couple of decades
in mind it is obvious that almost every athlete is willing to
cheat if this could be of any benefit. So in order to get rid of
the cheating and all the doping scandals, why not lift the ban on
genetic manipulation, drugs, steroids and whatever these people
put in their mouth or inject in their butt. Think about all the
funny athletes we could have. Three meter tall basketball players
would be a hit. Javelin throwers would come with two meter long
arms with enormous muscles. Swimmers would be equipped with
flippers and gills. The competitions will not only be about the
ultimate performance, but also about the funniest athletes. The
Nobel price in chemistry and genetic biology could be awarded at
every Olympic game.
This will add flavour, finesse and respectability to the various
games and it will definitely improve the TV-watching experience.
And may
be most important, there will be no more cheating!!
Lords of the rings, the idea is free; it is now up to you
to save the youth of to day from a future in total boredom.
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